To care for someone can mean to adore them, feed them, tend their wounds. But care can also signify sorrow, as in ‘bowed down by cares.’ Or anxiety, as in, ‘Careful!’ Or investment in an outcome, as in ‘Who cares?’ The word love has no such range of meaning: It’s pure acceptance.” ~ Martha Beck
Here I go again with my findings in the O Newsletter. I find myself reading a lot of Martha Beck’s articles. This one in particular is titled, How To Love By Caring Less. In this article she basically says that you can love someone but not care. You can love someone unconditionally and not care what happens to them. It sounds strange but it’s true. It’s called detaching attachment. She says the way to go about this is to:
1. Choose a person you love but feel some level of anxiety, anger or sadness;
2. Identify what this person must change to make you happy ( If loved one) would only (want this person to change), then I could feel ( how you would feel if the change occurred);
3. Accept a Radical Reality(scratch the first clause of the sentence…I could feel (how you would feel) Last sentence is the truth, accept that it is possible; and
4. Shift your focus from controlling your loved one’s behavior to creating your own happiness.
After reading this article I actually felt relieved only because this is how I feel towards certain people in my life. In the beginning it was hard to accept how these people in my life were and it truly bothered me. Then I had my first son and after having him I began to re-evaluate my life and my feelings towards other people. I realized that my happiness was more important than anything and if I wanted to be the best parent that I could be then, that meant I had to be happy and positive. “Sanity begins the moment you admit you’re powerless over other people.” That’s when I said to my self that people aren’t going to change and I would have to accept it and move on. If they were negative factors in my life then I could either distance myself from them speaking to them on occasion or just love them and let go. And so far it’s working. Like I said before after reading this article I felt relieved because I thought I was wrong for feeling the way that I do but now I feel much better.
Arnittress Dowdy 