Heart Speak

It was three in the morning when Andy called. The loudly ringing telephone woke me up out of my peaceful sleep.

“I just called to let you know that I’ll be picking you up at the train station tomorrow. Love you now go back to sleep.”

How did he expect me to go back to sleep with my heart rapidly beating? I laid there thinking about his 6 foot 3 muscular frame, his enticing peek-a-boo line and sexy abs. I could feel his soft manly hands touching my body with his brown puppy dog eyes piercing through me. With that, I eventually went back to sleep.

For the past two weeks our schedules made it impossible for us to see each other so I was eager to see Andy. Finally we arrived and I stepped off the train looking for him. As I looked around I spotted a familiar face. A face that I hadn’t seen in two years and that’s the way I wanted to keep it. As I walked around looking for Andy I could feel someone watching me. I reached for my cell phone and before I could press send, there he was.

Lance was 6 foot 5 inches with a very muscular body. He was a tight-end for a football team overseas. His round face, deep dimples and hazel eyes always made me melt. His chocolate brown complexion always made me crave a chocolate bar. I suddenly felt a tooth hurt as my heart beat out of control. I could see my chest moving in and out.

“Mia, I knew it was you.” He gave me a hug.

“Hi Lance, how are you?”

Lance and I have known each other since high school. It wasn’t until college that we started dating. After we graduated we agreed to remain a couple. He went to Germany and naturally I was a frequent visitor. Everything was good between us — at least that’s what I thought.

Two months of not seeing each other and only talking over the phone, I began to crave some chocolate. That phone-call was a call I wasn’t prepared for. All I remember hearing was, “Mia, I’m standing here talking to my wife, can I call you back?” Ouch! Today was our first time seeing each since that call.

“I’m doing fine. I was hoping that I’d see you?”

Sarcastically, “For what? To tell me you have kids?”

“I guess I deserve that.” He noticed that I was looking around.

“Are you waiting for someone?”

“Yes and as a matter of fact he’s here.” I actually gave him a hug and as I tried to pull away, I couldn’t. Every feeling that I thought I got rid of came back. It’s kind of funny because just a couple of weeks ago my best friend Marcus and I were looking through his photo albums and came across a picture of me and Lance. We looked so happy together.

“You’re still in love with him,” Marcus said as he saw me looking at the picture.

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh but that look says something else.”

“Uh I’ve been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Did you forget?”

“Or have you been passing time while you wait for Lance to return?” That was the first time that Marcus left me speechless. Was he right?

“Can I come visit you tomorrow?” Lance whispered in my ear.

I was melting. “I’ll be at my mother’s.” As I tried to pull away he wouldn’t let me go but I managed to get away. I ran over to Andy and jumped into his arms. “Hey honey.”

“Hey sweetness how was your day?” he asked as we walked to his car.

I looked back at Lance. “Interesting.”

While at dinner with Andy I felt like I wasn’t completely there. My body was there but my mind and soul weren’t. They were still at the train station with Lance. Needless to say, I made it through.

We went to our future home. I laid there in bed that night tossing and turning with Lance on my mind. What could he possibly have to say to me? When Lance told me he was married I headed straight to Marcus’ and cried on his shoulder for days. That hug made me think that maybe Marcus was right. Could it be that I really wasn’t over Lance and Andy was just occupying my time until he came back? As I looked at Andy sleeping I began to think perhaps my heart was secretly trying to tell me something. I tossed and turned for the rest of the night.

When I got to my mother’s the next day, sitting on the porch with her was Lance. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went on her way. We sat outside for hours talking. He’s no longer married and has a son. Before leaving he told me that he hoped that there could be an “us”. My mind quickly shot back to the day he told me he was married. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in two months we were still a couple, at least that’s what I thought. And even though my heart beats a hundred miles a minute for him, who’s to say something like that wouldn’t happen again?

“Lance.”

Turning around, “Yes.”

“It’s been two years since I last saw you. That phone call hurt like hell. It’s been difficult but I managed to move on. The way that my heart still beats for you, I could easily tell you that there could be an “us” but I’m not. In my mind I always thought that we’d be together again but I met a great guy who would never hurt me. I’m always going to love you but you hurt me once and I can’t allow you to hurt me again. So if it’s alright with you I would like for us to be friends.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“It’s best.”

We hugged for the last time. That was three years ago and today, Andy and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary.