What are you passionate about?
Growing up, I always said that I didn’t want any kids, but if I ever got pregnant, I wanted a boy. I had enough nieces and, at the time, one nephew. But I must admit I was more of the don’t want any kids side.
I eventually got pregnant in my late 20s. I wanna say I was 28. When I was pregnant, I didn’t think that I was. I had moved from New York to California, I thought the stress from the move was prolonging the emotional and irritable monthly visit that we women go through. But then my face started to break out like and with my skincare regimen, it wasn’t clearing up, just getting worse. My appetite was never satisfied, and certain smells made me sick. After a while of that nonsense and not getting a visitor for about 3 months, I went to the local clinic. It takes a second to place a cup full of urine on a counter. By the time I placed the cup down, the pregnancy test showed a positive result. I was somewhat excited but not that excited. I called and told my mom, who was happy but also sad because I was in California.
I had come home for Mother’s Day to surprise my mom. That flight was the worst flight. However that Mother’s Day wasn’t the best. I woke up cramping and bleeding. I called my best friend at the time, and she said I could be having a miscarriage but wasn’t sure. I put on a pad and went about my business. It got to the point where one pad wasn’t enough. My mom and I were going to my aunt’s for dinner, and it got worse. Not only was I cramping, but the blood was coming out in clots. My mom took me to the hospital where I found out I was having a miscarriage. They were able to pull out this small, non-existent fetus and placed it in a jar. I was told to follow up with a DNC with my gynecologist. I did and was told that I’d never be able to have children.
Five years later, I had a healthy baby boy via c-section, and two years after that, I gave birth naturally to another baby boy.
To lose something special on a special day and be told you will never be able to, to having two and being able to celebrate on a day where you would feel indifferent is the most amazing thing in itself. So when you ask me what am I passionate about, and I say Kelvin and James. You now know why. I wasn’t supposed to have them, but I do. They are my everything’s, my heartbeats outside if my body.
Arnittress Dowdy 